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Winter/Spring 2018

Highlights in this Edition include:
On-Line EP, "Bright Ideas Vol 4", Current Single "Safe Space"; Most Recent CD "Dutch Oven";  New Videos, Jokes,
and That's About It

Welcom espalda, los hierros de los neumáticos!.

Gregg Koval Bright Ideas Volume 4 coverIt's going to be a busy year this year.  I know I slacked on keeping the webpage up to date over the last couple of years, and guess what?  That probably won't change since I have quite a bit to do this year. 

Obviously, I want to have at least another Bright Ideas up this year, but what's keeping me busy since the end of last year has been me remixing all of the songs I recorded in between 2007 and 2013.  Those were all done on a Tascam 2488 but mine died, well, back in 2013.  I still had all of the backup files but I could only restore them using another 2488.  I was going to throw them out but by some weird good luck, I found one locally on Kijiji.  Once the songs were restored, I got to put everything on the PC for remixing.  At the time of writing this, I got rough mixes on everything (89 songs worth), a final on Special Delivery, Hard At Work and No Harm Done (I'll be retiring the CD since these new mixes are way better).  If I put these out again, it'll only be on YouTube.  Or maybe here on the site.  I don't have a problem giving away my songs free of charge: everything's date stamped, I own the copyrights and I’m a nice guy.

But I won't be busy with just that.  I have a bunch of unfinished/mostly-finished songs that I started back in 2015.  I want to finish those because those songs will make up the next instrumental CD, Backsplash.  That's the plan anyways.  Actually, I just want to finish them to finish them.  Once I put out Dutch Oven, I decided that any new physical CDs will be instrumental, and songs with vocals will be online-only Bright Idea EP songs.

Speaking of bright ideas, Bright Ideas Volume 4 is now available.  Head on over to CD Baby and have a listen.  It’s on Spotify, iTunes and Amazon too.  Skip iTunes or Amazon if you want to buy it.  Their mark-up is too high.  And if you’re a Black Sabbath fan, then the colour scheme should look familiar.  Anyways, I like it.

For you musicians out there that want a lot of Junk Mail, sign up to Reverbnation. My Inbox gets at least three pieces of e-mail a day that I have to delete. It's funny, the first day I signed up, I got 200 Fans but no song or video plays.

I am now the proud owner of a 2016 Fender Offset Telecaster. What a great guitar. I always wanted a Non-reverse Firebird, but they currently don't make them and if Gibson USA made one, I still wouldn't buy one. I won't be buying a new Gibson for a long, long, time. I'm happy with the ones I have (my Studio Plus is still my No 1) but no more. Anyways, this Fender is a treat, and I know I say this all the time but this should be my last guitar. Until the next one.

And I'm hooked on the Friday the 13th game.  It's glitchy but it's a lot of fun.

 

Articles

It's almost the Holidays and time for my favourite chairty: Goats For Kids.

If you're a 13 year old girl, don't read this next article, as it will spoil your illusions of your 2-dimensional hero, Taylor Swift.  It's been in the news lately, so here's my look at Streaming Digital Audio.

Taking a WHMIS test soon?  This article might help.

Spiritual Awakenings - Easter reminded me of it.

Russian Breakup Letter

Feel-good E-mails - Ever accidentally get those sob story e-mails that old ladies e-mail to each other?

Mysteries of the Sun

What's going to happen today?  Find out here with a little help from yourself.  Click here to read how to predict your future (pdf).

Doing a Jigsaw Puzzle.

Office Copier Brochures.

How Chain Letter E-mails Ruined My Life.

A Look at Staying Healthy - Part 1 and Part 2

 Thought

It's that time of year again when people start to wear shorts prematurely.  For some reason, when it's a high of 50 degrees outside, you're guaranteed to see some yo-yo wearing shorts.

So when is the time to wear shorts?  Simple; ask yourself: Will I sweat if I wear pants?  If the answer is "No" then put your pants on.  If the answer is "Yes" then go ahead, wear your shorts.

Random Song from Me

Beach Whistle coverBeach Whistle, my first "real" single, is available at CD Baby.  50 cents.  Why?  Because a dollar for file is a huge rip-off.  Anyways, it's a fun song, and at under 2 and half minutes, you could play it 12 times in half an hour.  Have a listen or watch the fairly boring video.  On a good note, I'm raising Beach Whistle Awareness since more than a few people asked me what a beach whistle is, so I have them look it up.  I'm not doing it for them.  These people are adults. 

I'm at all sorts of places

Twitter, CD Baby, YouTube, iTunes,

Remember that Bright Ideas - Volume 3 is available for sale at CD Baby as well as Dutch Oven.  Don't go to iTunes since their mark-up is ridiculous (all that extra money must go towards promoting terrorism).

Latest CD Release

Dutch Oven cover


Dutch Oven

available at CD Baby, iTunes and even Dr Disc.

Thanks to IndiePool for the printing the whole shrink-wrapped package.
Head on over to the Dutch Oven page.

Latest Video



 

Visit the Videos Page
Songs

Here's the easiest way to hear the songs: through the player:

More on the Song Page




If you are thinking about getting married but are unsure, ask yourself "What would Jesus do?"
Then remember that Jesus was never married.

As a joke I thought I'd sign up one of my mates to a gay dating website.
All was going well until the site came up with "E-mail address already in use"

Whenever I feel ill, I just go sit around the park for awhile and I instantly start feeling better.
I think it's the gazebo effect.

I brought a bunch of flowers for my first date with a vegan.
"That's really sweet," she said.
"Well I didn't know what you vegans ate."

I phoned the wife from work. "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you, and they're stabbing it?" I asked her.
"No?" she replied, sounding puzzled.
"How about now ...?"

I went to see a doctor about my premature ejaculation.
"Here's a simple tip," he said, "Think of your Grandma."
As I sat there holding my raging boner, I asked, "Ok, then what?"

My girlfriend complained that I treat her unfairly.
I said, "Geeze, someone woke up on the wrong side of the floor."

I was on a date with a gorgeous woman.
She said, "You're so funny. It feels so good to laugh. I haven't been able to laugh since my mother died."
I said, "You laughed when your mother died?"

I was in a job interview and the guy said, "What are your strengths?"
I said, "I'm not a very good listener."

Russia demands Internet users show ID to access public Wifi.
This is bad news for horny Russian brides everywhere.

I've never understood why the homeless look so miserable
It's not like they can get out the wrong side of the bed.

I can't say I'd find a better match than my wife.
Her cooking's perfect for my Bulimia

Which is more important, length or girth?
Turns out it's consent.

They've promoted that dwarf at work.
As if his head wasn't big enough already.

New releases this week at Blockbuster:
The staff.

I have sympathy for Justin Bieber throwing up during one of his gigs.
I'm sick of his music too.

My girlfriend thinks it's gross that I don't change my underwear everyday.
I think it's gross that she has to...

You know you're over weight when you get in the bath and the water in the toilet rises.

I was drinking at a bar last night when a waitress screamed... "Does anyone know CPR?"
I shouted "Hell, I know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed... Well everyone except this one guy.

Remind me, if I'm ever in hospital, make sure I'm never surrounded by my friends and family.
It usually doesn't end well.

As my wife lay dying in the hospital bed, she looked at me and said, "My life is flashing before my eyes."
"That's great," I replied. "See if you can spot where you lost my car keys last week."

Italy's nude statues covered for Iranian president's visit.
They may have made his 9 year old wife uncomfortable.

I was out with a woman on a date last night and she asked where I stood on abortion.
I said usually off to the side so I don't get blood on my shoes.
She left.

I spilled a bottle of Ritalin in my Ford Fiesta. Now it's a Ford Focus.

Feminism - The belief that women should be treated equally to men...
Except when women are treated better.

So a 103 year old man has married a 91 year old woman.
He couldn't find someone his own age?

I said to the doctor, "Could I have some tablets. I always get pains in my wrist after sex."
He said, "How long do they last?"
I said, "Usually until the police remove the handcuffs."

A man goes to the Doctor : He said "Doc I think I've got diabetes"
"What makes you think that?" replies the Doctor
"Well every time I fart I find candy floss in my underpants"

My Gran has diarrhoea. It's disgusting.
It almost made me want to take down the webcam in her bathroom. Almost.

After finding out that I had been having an affair my wife insisted that she would get her own back.
Two weeks later she confessed to sleeping with my best mate.
Jokes on her though, he's the one who gave me AIDS.

Although Stephen Hawking is disabled, he still remembers his first memory,
256k RAM

My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.
But I laugh more.

Don't try to understand women.
Women understand women and they hate each other.

How do you get every woman you ask to agree to having dinner with you?
Move to Ethiopia.

"Are you going to read Neil Armstrong’s biography?"
"Nah, He dies in the end".

I always keep a golf club by the side of my bed when I'm asleep.
Just so if anyone breaks in, they'll know I play golf and that I'm too boring to have anything worth stealing.