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Old Lady E-mails

Ever accidentally get those sob story e-mails that old ladies e-mail to each other? I did:


She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'

The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, "Do you mean the angry, smiting God of the Old Testament or the nicer one from the New Testament? Ah - it doesn't matter. Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, the lock of hair that the Chemo somehow missed, and put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study since actually paying for University was not an option. She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold so having other implants made out of metals shouldn't be a problem. He always dreamed of being a cyborg.'

The drive home was difficult as it was hurricane season. It was even harder to enter the empty house without the key. After breaking in through the basement window, she carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

'Dear Mom,
I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you as my positronic brain records everything.  Someday we will see each other again.  Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me.  Madonna did it and Angeline did it a few times, and even that faggot Elton John wants to adopt a boy.  Surprise on that one.  Anyways, he can have my room and old stuff to play with.  But, if you decide to get a girl instead, I will use my GPS implant to track her down and make you wish you chose a boy.  Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. They must have injected me with some sort of hallucinogenic drug, maybe to help with the infection from my new laser eyes but Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything.  The angels are so cool.  I love to watch them fly.  And, you know what?  Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures.  Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him.  Jesus himself took me to see GOD!  And guess what, Mom?  I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important.  That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything.  But I already knew that wasn't allowed.  Well, you know what Mom?  God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.  Or was it Noah?  God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'where was He when I needed him?'  'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross.  I hope that means something to you because, personally, I don't get it.

I sure had an awful headache when I came to, but what a vivid dream.  Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you.  To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper.  I don't think you need the Looney Bin just yet.  But you'll get there on your own eventually.  Isn't that cool?  I have to give "God" His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life.  Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper - he looks Mexican.  I'm sure the food will be tacos but I could probably use some motor oil.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.  They replaced the diseased flesh with a silicon based polymer.  I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either.  That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me.  The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! and that I would be leading the next Holy Revolution as I am the first fully functional cybernetic super soldier.  How about that?'

Christian Soldier

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